My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
