she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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