having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
