when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
