Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
