I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He shit in the fireplace
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
