matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
