True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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