airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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