her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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