I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
