I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
