i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will be naked everywhere
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
