My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
