i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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