i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize