So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
