exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
