do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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