I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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