have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
