the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
