I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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