Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
