its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
