I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
