how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
