Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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