Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
