I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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