i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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