Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
