Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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