I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
