I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
