if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
