just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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