I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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