you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need moral support for this bender
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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