I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
