Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will pee on everything he values.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
