I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
