so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
