Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
