i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize