I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
