i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
