I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
