so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
