I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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