I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Be still, my beating vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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