The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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