Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
