My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
