So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
