Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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