there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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