He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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