I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
