if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize