So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
