it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
