Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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