This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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