Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
