your parents love me but you hate me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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