Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
