I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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