btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
